Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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