Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
