I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize