i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
