um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
