So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
