Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
