How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
