I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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