and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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