Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
