how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
