note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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