My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize