you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
