she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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