READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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