Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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