Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
