This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
