I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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