im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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