i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
