Say something about gay babies.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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