dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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