I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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