i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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