there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
