You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
