So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
