remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
