Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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