I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
