He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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