I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
