never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize