I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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