I could have mohawked her pubes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize