Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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