My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
