in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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