She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
