if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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