Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
