yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
