Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
