who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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