Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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