and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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