She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize