I should be sponsored by Trojan
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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