I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
