Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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