It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
