I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
