are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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