So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
