Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
