yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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