Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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