fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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