Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
