A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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