actually, I'm a sock model
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
