Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
