Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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